Sometimes it is good to ask yourself why. I’ve been asking myself why a lot at the end of 2018 with starting my mindfit therapy. Mostly why does this trigger me?
A question that came to mind in January was regarding my reading goals. I seem to enjoy really making my yearly reading goals. I can’t wait to start them. To start over. To try and work towards something. So why is that I don’t feel similiar about personal goals?
Also I am clearly talking about reading goals here. Not book buying bans. Those are what I consider personal goals haha.
Focus and Concrete
Reading is something that is very present in my life as you might have guessed already. As such I enjoy spending time on it. Whether that is through reading itself, the blog or these reading goals. The reading goals help me focus. I have in writing, on paper, what I want to do. It is also very easy to make these goals concrete. I tick of the boxes. I complete or I don’t complete. The end.
One of the things I struggle with is the focus on personal goals. They also aren’t quite as concrete or as easy to achieve as reading goals. It isn’t just ticking a box.
Personal
While reading goals are personal they aren’t personal as that they reflect directly onto your personality or your own flaws. So they are less confrontational.
Personal goals are as the name suggests personal. They often have to do with growth and things you want to improve on yourself. Eating better. Quit smoking. Lose weight and so on. They are confrontational because it tends to be an up and down kind of road. It isn’t easy. And sometimes we don’t even really know how we can get somewhere though we put it as a goal. It can make the goal a struggle throughout the year. Or it might be a goal you end up forgetting.
But in the end you have to confront yourself if you want to better oneself.
Avoidance
But I don’t. I avoid. That is what came up during my therapy in 2018. I avoid things because confronting emotions, previous experiences and my own (previous) failure I perceive as too hard. Now this is obviously something I have been working on. I’m getting better at it. But it is also one of the reasons why I don’t make personal goals. It is too confrontational so I avoid by not making them.
I also avoid by making these reading goals because they are a distraction. Like reading is a distraction. A way to hide away in a world, I hide away in being busy with my reading goals throughout the year.
This isn’t to say that personal goals is a must at the new year or at all. I just wanted to see why I do one over the other so reoccuringly. This doesn’t mean that I am going to start personal goals now. Insights however are important.
How are you with personal goals?
An extra question to you all. Every year I do a book shelf tour and this year I’d like to start that off with any questions you might have regarding my shelves and the books I own. Please fill in any questions here. You can totally leave it as a anonymous question.
I’m the same way. Reading goals are more tempting than personal goals because they’re fairly easy to achieve, and I don’t feel bad if I fail them. I did make some personal goals at the beginning of the year. I’ve already achieved the easy ones. I’m still working on the big ones.
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Yes so true. So easy to put that checkmark there.
I hope you’ll be able to accomplish the big personal ones as well!
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I don’t like setting personal goals because it always ends up in disaster. I’ve set personal goals before and I failed them and that only made me feel miserable. I rather set reading goals because even if I don’t fulfil all of them it’s because I didn’t have time to read and that’s okay for me. It doesn’t make me feel like I failed at life.
Tânia @MyLovelySecret
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Ugh same yes.
Reading is just so much more simple, even the reading goals.
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Yikes, this sort of feels like a call out, haha. I definitely think it’s easier to make book and blogging related goals versus personal. There’s something to be said about recognizing this though.
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I do like to be confronting sometimes. 😉
True. Even if you don’t want to do personal goals its good to see why. It doesn’t mean you have to make them though. 🙂
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Oh, dat doe ik dus ook. In duik via boeken weg in anderen hun leven en negeer zo de dingen die ik zelf niet kan verwezenlijken. Vooral omdat de meeste van die zaken niet haalbaar zijn en ook een beetje uit schrik dat ik het niet zou volhouden. Want tja, wat gewicht verliezen zou in theorie wel moeten lukken indien ik me veel ontzeg. Alleen zijn er al verschillende dingen die ik moet missen en ben ik dus niet snel geneigd om mezelf datgene te ontzeggen waar ik wel van kan genieten.
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Ja ik zou ook meer kunnen afvallen als ik dingen laat en veel ga rennen maar ik lees liever? (al ben ik verrassend genoeg ergens spontaan meer dan 5kg kwijt. In oktober had ik mijn medicijnen opgehoogd en toen kwam ik weer giga aan maar op een of andere manier is dat er ook weer wat af?) En als je jezelf alles ontzegt, word je daar dan echt gelukkiger van?
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Oh, dat had ik een tijdje terug ook toen ze me in het ziekenhuis moesten wegen. Bleek er plots 3 kilo verdwenen te zijn. Op die manier val ik met plezier graag nog wat meer af maar mezelf er alles voor ontzeggen zie ik dus echt niet zitten. Toen het vroeger nog beter ging hadden we een hometrainer staan waardoor ik kon fietsen én lezen tegelijkertijd. Het was blijkbaar een hilarisch zicht maar ik vond het een leuke combinatie én viel er door af.
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I gave up making hardcore personal goals a long time ago. I started doing “strive fors” instead. For some reason I will end up doing whatever it is more, or less if it’s a bad habit, I think because if I backslide, or goof off a time or two it doesn’t get me down because it’s not really a failure. 👍
I think that’s why I finally quit smoking after trying multiple times over the years. Instead of cold turkey, I just told myself that every few weeks I would smoke one less cigarette a day. There was no time limit and I said whenever I got down to one smoke a day, I would quit. If I messed up and smoked one extra cig on one day… no big deal. It took me less than a year and a half. Same thing with playing guitar. I said I was going to strive for playing half an hour every day last year. Did I, no, but sometimes I’d sit down and play for two or three hours. All I cared about at the end of the year was that I played enough not to lose my callouses. If I had gotten down on myself for not playing every day, I would probably have gotten in a “why bother at all” mindset. 😏
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Yes strive fors do seem more gentle for yourself. Its great that let you quite smoking. That is so hard!
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